If only I knew myself as much as I know myself when I'm looking at images of you.
november 18,2023.
I feel invisible,disposable and disgusting.I'm devoid of any value or meaning, that's shit. I try to find a reason to get out of bed every day,but when I look in the mirror,I only see something meaningless. Honestly,I feel dead,I just don't feel anything. Nothing is enough and it never really will be,so what's the point of fighting so hard if in the end nothing is really worth it? I'm slowly disappearing and nothing will really make sense again,I died.
november 20,2023.
“Hopefully,death is like being in a dream state.”
I have no idea where all this sadness came from,sometimes I feel like I'm unlucky.
I'm so pathetic for not being able to fight this pain, but it just hurts so much that sometimes I feel like I'm going to cry forever. I don't want to just disappear from everyone's lives, but sometimes I just feel like I don't fit in here.
I think I've forgiven everything I had to forgive,even though I felt hate, I managed to love.
january 9,2024.
My mind is falling apart,and my heart is breaking. Nothing other than what I create in my mind brings me genuine happiness.I'm living a fantasy, I want to get to the Halcyon.